After saying goodbye to your college student on move-in day, one of the hardest things to come to grips with at home is the yawning lack of information. You’re excluded from your student’s experience in a new, jarring way, and no one will invite you in except your student — and that’s only if they want to. That doesn’t mean you disappear from their lives; far from it. But it does mean you play a different role.

Here’s what I’ve learned, from college experts, campus orientations and my own years of being a college parent, about how to navigate this shift in the relationship.

Give them space. College students need a grace period to meet people, get involved in campus life and focus on their new environment without constant reminders of home. No matter how eager they are for college, it’s not easy to get used to new surroundings and sleeping in a new bed. Give them the space to figure it out. That doesn’t mean you don’t have conversations, but follow their lead.

Be prepared to listen. Often kids call or text when they’re feeling low. But once they’ve unloaded, they move on, leaving you to worry into the night about a problem that likely doesn’t exist for them the next day. Or if it does, it’s their issue to solve.

Offer guidance, not a quick fix. If your child is struggling with a normal issue, such as not finding people they like, hear them out. But don’t leap to offer a fix, such as contacting a resident adviser on their behalf. We want our kids to become competent and independent, and they need to develop problem-solving skills. They also won’t learn to get comfortable with discomfort if we handle things for them. Let them know all their feelings are normal.

Point them to resources. When your student complains about homework or a dorm challenge, ask them about resources on campus, and nudge them to pursue those avenues. Colleges have staff ready to help students. Resist the urge to micromanage. If students don’t know where to start, suggest they check with their resident adviser. Resources include the tutoring center, academic advising, career services center, student health clinic, financial aid office, multicultural center, first-generation center and more.

Mind the FERPA form. The Federal Educational Rights and Privacy Act protects your student’s information from kindergarten through higher education. Once kids get to college, rights transfer to them, and parents aren’t allowed access without permission. If your child adds you as an authorized user to their student account, you will see term bills and can set up a payment method, but don’t expect any additional access. Don’t push for their account password to see grades. If you’re concerned about how they’ll handle academics, initiate conversations about what you expect them to tell you. You’re partnering now, not tracking.

Don’t freak out about grades. It’s normal for students to experience a dip in grades in college. That doesn’t mean they can’t handle the work. They just need to find their equilibrium with study habits, time management and the social scene, and it may take a semester. Don’t pester them about grades right after midterms.

Of course, some students do go off the rails with the party scene or another personal challenge. If you suspect they’re not managing their time or they’re skipping class, suggest they visit an academic adviser.

Know when to get involved. If you suspect a mental health condition is sending your student into a tailspin, or if they’re experiencing a recurring illness or unfamiliar allergy that doesn’t sound normal, it’s OK to ask questions and follow up. When a health or safety issue isn’t being addressed in a timely way, a phone call from a parent can make a difference.