Dear Amy: I am married to the man of my dreams. After a rough first marriage, I was definitely rewarded with an amazing second one.

My husband and I have been together for 11 years, and it still feels like we’re honeymooning. The problem? I’m terrified that something will happen to him. I know it’s silly, but the fear that he will die never leaves. I lie awake some nights, heart pounding, worrying about it.

I know that worrying solves nothing, but I can’t shake it! I reached out for therapy, but my insurance doesn’t cover mental health and my city is woefully lacking in resources. I’m on two wait lists for affordable therapy, but I’m not sure what to do in the meantime. Any tips on managing this fear?

— Scared Silly in New Orleans

Dear Scared Silly: Given that this fear and rumination are interfering with your daily life, it’s important that you continue to pursue professional counseling. I assume that this fear is at its core not really about your husband but about you. Coming to terms with other losses in your life will help you to embrace your daily blessings with less fear attached.

If you don’t learn to manage this, your ongoing fear will affect your lovely and loving relationship.

In the short term, I suggest diving into practical and healthy pursuits that may help to rewire your brain. Running, yoga, meditation and music are activities you can pursue as ways to distract and expand your consciousness and to better control your ruminative thoughts.

You live in New Orleans (lucky you!), so I suggest you pick up your ukulele and join one of the free jam sessions that spring up around the city. Music will open you up.

For an introductory guide to a daily meditation practice, read “How to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Mind,” by the wonderful Buddhist sage Pema Chodron (2013, Sounds True). Chodron lovingly leads the reader toward a beginner’s meditation practice.

Fearful thoughts will still enter your mind. But meditation can teach you to open a window and let them merely pass through.

Dear Amy: This may sound silly, but my 50-year high school reunion is approaching fast. One of the people who will attend is the “mean kid” who tormented me. I can’t tell you how many times he followed me in the hall, yelling, “HEY, UGLY! YOU’RE SO UGLY YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF!”

According to people who still know him, he has spent the intervening years honing his witty repartee.

I’ve had a long and happy marriage (he’s been married/divorced four times), a wonderful family, and a great career (research chemist). I have no idea why it still bothers me. Why does it still hurt?

I do not want him to control my behavior. I’ve thought carefully about how to react if I see him. I’ve decided I won’t remember him. I’m also prepared to leave quickly if I decide I want to. I understand that he’s either a sad, unhappy person or a nasty jerk. Either way, I have my husband and children.

I love your thoughtful advice.

— Hurting

Dear Hurting: This still hurts because being bullied and harassed in adolescence is noxious, undermining and unforgettable.

You should spare a thought for the wounded life of the person who would be so cruel. Only someone deeply scarred would seek to torment and injure another young person in such an obvious way.

But enough about him.

I like your idea to “not know” this man at the event. If you can’t avoid an encounter or introduction, responding with “... And you are ...?” might make you smile inside.

I assume you were not his only victim. Attend this reunion knowing that you have a squad of people cheering you on.

Dear Amy: Thank you for your response to “Saddened,” who had recently been dumped by her husband. No, she should not have to beg her husband to see their children, but yes, she should always try to advocate for the kids.

As you said in your answer, it’s hard.

— Been There

Dear Been There: Yes, it’s hard. But that’s what good parents do.

Copyright 2019 by Amy Dickinson

Distributed by Tribune Content Agency