Why alone time is what you need — now
The holidays are full of great moments, if we’re lucky. And one of the greatest is the moment you realize that, yes, it really is all over with. Dinner is eaten, presents are opened, guests have gone home and you can feel that delicate, delicious lag — time, unaccounted for, stretches like a dog in the sunshine.
You’re alone at last.
“Holidays are all about togetherness,” says Suzanne Degges-White, “and it’s wonderful — people are piling into your house, you’re talking and being together and doing the things we love to do because we’re human. But we also need to retreat, and there’s nothing wrong with it. We need to carve out solitude; we need to find it.”
Degges-White, a psychology professor at Northern Illinois University, says that the need for alone time is as present and prevalent as ever — even though satisfying that need has gotten more confusing in modern society. The constant use of technology has caused growing concern over social isolation and lack of human interaction. Yet, it also has fostered a sense of endless, limitless connectivity. We are isolated, yet we are always on. “Even though we may think of it as mindless entertainment, we’re using our brains constantly,” says Degges-White.
Which is why being alone with a tiny glowing screen might remove you from the company of others, but it doesn’t feel the same as a walk in the woods. When it comes to the alone time your brain is asking for, phone time doesn’t count.
“Our brains were not meant to function at this high level that we insist on all the time,” Degges-White says. “We feel like we’re multitasking, but really we’re just constantly putting our brains into overdrive.” And brains, of course, are ancient machines that were not built to function that way. “The brain, unlike our devices, can’t be plugged into power and recharged. And sometimes I wonder when we are supposed to get our own processing, our own backing up done? Technology is great, but human evolution hasn’t caught up yet. We need a chance to reset.”
Downtime for the brain has concrete benefits: Studies have shown that kids who attend tech-free camps get better at recognizing facial cues in others after logging device-free time. And research on early adolescents who spent some time in solitude showed an improved emotional state afterward. That means that taking a breather to be by yourself, without tech ties, will actually make you better at being with the people in your life.
Alone time also improves other brain functions, including decision-making and creativity, Degges-White says. “You can’t make good decisions if you don’t ever give yourself time to reflect.” And “if you’re constantly engaged in the world, it’s harder to make space for those moments of genius.”
Luckily, getting the alone time you need isn’t as hard as it may sound, even in our inherently busy world.
A good friend and I once admitted to each other that we can find near-perfect happiness cruising the grocery store, alone, late at night or early in the morning. Sometimes, I can hear those empty aisles calling. “You’re sneaking in ways to do something with yourself,” Degges-White says, “and there’s nothing healthier.”