Hey, happy holidays, everybody! It’s almost time to turn the calendar to 2024, and, oh, my Lord, the presidential election is coming. But before we start girding for battle, let’s see how much you remember about what we’ve been doing/observing/enduring in 2023.

1. During the traditional ceremony pardoning the White House Thanksgiving turkeys, President Joe Biden …

A. Accidentally ordered them beheaded.

B. Confused Taylor Swift and Britney Spears.

C. Said he looked forward to all Americans gathering for “Thanksgiving family breakfast.”

2. Donald Trump opened up the holiday season by calling his political opponents …

A. “Somewhat misguided.”

B. “Vermin.”

C. “People whose Christmas presents always get regifted.”

3. When a photograph of Biden wearing a bathing suit on the beach by his Delaware home popped up, Trump commented …

A. “So this is what he does instead of taking care of the country.”

B. “He ought to worry about catching a chill, at his age.”

C. “I have a much better body than him.”

4. As Trump prepares for another general election campaign, this time he’s going to be juggling …

A. A 7,989-person guest list for the Mar-a-Lago opening-night party.

B. 91 felony charges.

C. 32 Egg McMuffins in a New Year’s talent contest.

5. Taking note of Ron DeSantis’ penchant for wearing cowboy boots, some commentators speculated that the presidential candidate is trying to look …

A. Taller.

B. Well, hey, like a cowboy.

C. Like Kim Kardashian.

6. After a recent Republican presidential debate, Sen. Tim Scott …

A. Introduced his girlfriend to the world.

B. Dropped out of the campaign.

C. Introduced his girlfriend to the world and then dropped out of the campaign.

7. Meanwhile, in Congress, the new Republican speaker of the House is …

A. Mike Johnson.

B. Mark Johnson.

C. John Michaels.

8. The Senate voted to formalize its dress code after John Fetterman of Pennsylvania took to showing up in …

A. An Applebee’s apron.

B. Shorts and a hoodie.

C. The same shirt and tie as Chuck Schumer.

9. In a phone interview with The New York Times’ Grace Ashford, the soon-to-be-ex-congressman George Santos gave what might become an excellent intro to an autobiography, when he said …

A. “You know, I got my Boy Scout merit badges because Mom catered a dinner party for the leaders every year.”

B. “I literally threw my entire life into the toilet and flushed it to get elected.”

C. “I chose a life of public service when I could have done so many other things — um, catering, money laundering, barnstorming for Botox.”

10. Santos also described himself recently as the …

A. “Mary Magdalene of the United States Congress.”

B. “Taylor Swift of the United States Congress.”

C. “Reincarnation of James Polk and Rita Hayworth combined.”

11. Rep. Mariannette Miller-Meeks, R-Iowa, reported getting death threats from Jim Jordan’s fans after she voted against the super-hard-right Jordan for speaker of the House. She told Iowans that if any of her opponents thought they could intimidate her, they should …

A. “Suck it up, buttercup.”

B. “Come to my district office and tell me to my face.”

C. “Just be grateful I never call anybody vermin.”

12. Rudy Giuliani finally found a lawyer willing to represent him, despite his apparent shortage of money. L. Allyn Stockton Jr. said that representing Giuliani in various cases of election subversion and racketeering makes him feel like …

A. John Adams representing British soldiers charged in the Boston Massacre.

B. Grover Cleveland defending soldiers in the Battle of Limestone Ridge.

C. Then-Mayor Giuliani calling a news conference to announce he was separating from his wife Donna Hanover without letting her know about it beforehand.

13. Rep. Tim Burchett of Tennessee was talking with a reporter in the Capitol when former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy passed. Burchett was one of the Republicans who’d voted to oust McCarthy from his old job. He said McCarthy gave him …

A. An early copy of the agenda for an upcoming meeting of the House Appropriations Committee.

B. A very sweet holiday greeting.

C. An elbow to the kidneys.

14. At a Senate committee hearing, Markwayne Mullin, R-Okla., got into an argument with Sean O’Brien, Teamsters union president. When O’Brien said he’d once expressed a willingness to take the senator on in a physical fight, Mullin replied …

A. “Yeah, it’s easy to get carried away when the media’s watching.”

B. “That’s not the kind of thing we should be talking about in a Senate hearing.”

C. “Well, stand your butt up, then.”

15. At a House committee hearing, James Comer, R-Ky., clashed with Jared Moskowitz, D-Fla., who compared a Biden family loan issue with one involving Comer’s personal finances. We won’t go into the details, except that an irate Comer claimed Moskowitz looked like …

A. “A very liberal sociology professor.”

B. “A low-caliber banker.”

C. “A Smurf.”

16. In her new book, Liz Cheney writes about Kevin McCarthy’s visit to make nice with Donald Trump just after Trump cheered on the Jan. 6, 2021, attack on the Capitol. Cheney wrote that when she saw McCarthy, who was then the House Republican leader, grinning next to Trump, she thought the picture was fake because …

A. “Trump’s waistline looks awfully tight.”

B. “Not even Kevin McCarthy could be this craven.”

C. “There’s a guy in the background who looks like Rock Hudson.”

17. In their Fox News debate, Gov. Gavin Newsom of California said there was one thing that he and Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida had in common …

A. “Good hair.”

B. “Neither of us will be the nominee for our party in 2024.”

C. “Both of us are better at this than Sean Hannity.”

ANSWERS

1. B; 2. B; 3. C; 4. B; 5. A; 6. C; 7. A; 8. B; 9. B; 10. A; 11. A; 12. A; 13. C; 14. C; 15. C; 16. B; 17. B

How’d you do?

0-5: Really, there are ostriches paying better attention to current affairs.

6-9: If we all thought we could avoid this stuff, George Santos would be our next chief executive.

10-12: Not too bad, but you’ve got to pick up the pace for an election year.

12-15: Gold star!

16-17: Super score, but maybe you need to look for a new hobby.

Collins is a columnist for The New York Times.