Dear Miss Manners: I’m applying for my son to get into a competitive school with very limited availability for his age group. It’s a well-known school in the area, and highly desirable both because of the curriculum and also because it’s a small farm.

The children learn to care for animals and grow their own fruits, vegetables and herbs. They also learn how to cook with these foods at the school’s kitchen. My husband and I really want to get our son into this school because he loves being outside and we believe this will help with the transition from being with me all day to a school environment.

All applications are due on Monday, and I intend on being at the school at 7 a.m. to hand it in as soon as they open. Would it be appropriate for me to bring the staff pastries, bagels and coffee along with my son’s application? I have a background in sales, and would often do this with clients. It created a reciprocating relationship: I give you something and you give me your business.

I’m worried, though, that this may come off as desperate and tacky.

Gentle reader: Or as a bribe. Miss Manners recommends not doing this. Not only will you be, no doubt, one of many trying the same trick, but if the school is honorable, the inducement will have no bearing on the outcome. Except to make it awkward.

True, schools love donations and active parents, but presumably you will have shown that kind of enthusiasm on the application. If not, Miss Manners suggests you quickly add “loves scooping animal poop” to your list of attributes.

Dear Miss Manners: What is the appropriate response to a death anymore? We are part of a group of 12 couples who regularly enjoy potlucks and other outings together. We are also getting to an age where the death of a parent is not rare.

Several years ago, one group member started collecting money every time there was a death among the immediate family of someone in our group. She used the funds towards gifts for those in mourning such as restaurant gift cards, tennis-related items, a new golf club and certificates for massages. I feel awkward, as I try to ensure I am appropriately sharing my condolences with the bereaved. I do send cards and drop off food.

Is it a cultural obligation to provide more festive tokens to the grieving?

Gentle reader: Absolutely not. Miss Manners is aware that many would rather have a celebration of life than a commemoration of death. But that still means celebrating the life of the deceased — not those of their living relatives.

Good friends may hope that those in mourning will return to enjoying life, but an explicit invitation to whoop it up in the form of golf gear and such feels disrespectful. She kindly requests that in the wake of bereavement, condolence letters, food and solemnity continue to prevail.

Dear Miss Manners: My wife and I were invited to a dinner party by a childhood friend of mine, whom we have seen occasionally over the past 50 years.

At dinner, the host pulled me aside and asked about my political views, to which I responded, “I believe my views will differ from your own. We don’t see each other often, so let’s just enjoy the evening.”

He kept pushing, and I gave him my full opinion. He then asked what my wife’s views were. I responded by saying, “Pretty much like my own.” The host just exploded, freaking out, etc.

Before returning to the group, I again requested we just put our views aside and enjoy the evening. The host then entered the kitchen, where my wife was assisting his wife, and asked her if she supports the same political party as me. My wife responded, “Yes!”

My wife and I stayed through dinner. Three days later, we sent a respectful thank-you card. How should we have reacted to this attack, both in the short term and the long term?

Gentle reader: In the short term, you and your wife did the best you could under unpleasant circumstances. In the long term, Miss Manners recommends that you consider whether you want to maintain this relationship. Childhood history notwithstanding, a friend does not aggressively lure you into conflict — and then chastise you for taking the bait.

To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.