Let’s talk about communication
Tips for building a great business relationship at the first meeting
You’ve probably heard that firm handshakes give a good impression, demonstrating confidence. But Bernet says perfecting a handshake is much more than squeeze and drop.
That’s because there are so many connotations related to gender within the gesture. Is a man with a limp shake too timid, for instance? And on top of that, the length of the handshake also can show power; the longer you hold on, the more you communicate desired or perceived dominance. That can be off-putting.
Bernet recommends working toward a happy medium — a handshake that’s neither too firm nor limp. Practice on friends, family and co-workers who can give you feedback about how your grip feels. Then, when you are in the moment, try to adjust the handshake based on the person you’re with.
If someone gives you a good squeeze you weren’t expecting, go ahead and firm your grip up a bit too.
“I always go to the prospect’s website,” Bernet says. “You can find out where they’re from, where they went to school, what their hobbies are, etc.”
Checking LinkedIn also can give you details about the person. The information you get online can give you some good topics to open the conversation. Most people enjoy talking about themselves.
Also, try looking around at the person’s office. There might be awards or photos or an interesting piece of art. Be observant and you’ll find perfectly acceptable subjects to bring up.
Bernet’s rule is to avoid questions you know the answer to. When the objective is to keep learning something new, you’re much likelier to stay interested and engaged, and your conversation partner will get the sense that you’re invested.
Bernet’s opinion is that most people don’t like to be sold anything, and psychology backs her up. Reactance theory says that the more people are pushed to do something, the more they’ll resist it to preserve their own sense of freedom. So to help your listener feel more comfortable, you have to persuade him or her that you’re not out to make them do anything.
“I always set the stage by saying, ‘Before we get into what I do, I would like to learn more about your business. It’s going to be helpful ... because this might not be a right fit for you,’?” Bernet says.
Clarifying in some way that the interaction isn’t going to be a power struggle will help someone feel more like talking.
One of the easiest ways to communicate equality and safety to a conversation partner is to adjust your body language. Use postures, gestures and expressions that, for your given culture, get active listening, energy and understanding across. Don’t cross your arms and be sure to stand up straight, make eye contact and smile. This also could get your mind in the game.
Embodied cognition is the idea that the relationship between our mind and body runs both ways, meaning our mind influences the way our body reacts, but the form of our body also triggers our mind, Fast Company notes.
Bernet uses props to get the other person engaged.
“Sometimes I’ll pull something out to get them to start leaning forward, so I’m changing their posture and nonverbal communication. Get them engaged. Give them a pen to mark a map. ... I think you can change that person’s body language from a negative to a positive.”
The more you try to come across as perfect, the more threatened your listener can feel because no one wants to get the impression they’re inferior.
So tell a story to admit a minor flub you did. Laugh at yourself for not knowing something or spilling your coffee. All your listener wants is to know you’re like him or her, and engaging in a little self-deprecation serves that purpose.
Remember, authenticity doesn’t mean showing only the good stuff. It means showing flaws as well.
“One of the things that I do is speak in terms of other clients that I’ve helped,” Bernet says. “I really draw in the experiences of other similar businesses, or just other businesses in general. ... I think in addressing those deeper questions, if you can use other success stories or stories of other clients in their similar field, I think that always helps, because we don’t want to feel like we’re the only ones with challenges.”
You don’t have to be an extrovert to have a successful career. But even introverts should know how to navigate occasional face-to-face interactions that can yield opportunities, and everybody needs interaction for their health.
So look away from the screens. Put down the phone. Connect.
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