Dear Amy: Two years ago, I decided to move from a city to a rural area because I knew I would never be able to afford to buy a house in that city. I can telecommute for work, giving me the ability to make a good salary and live almost anywhere I want.

Since moving, I have made many local friends, many of which can only dream of earning the kind of money I make. That hasn’t stopped me from making friends; I don’t care about a person’s wealth. This hasn’t been a problem until recently. I have decided to buy a house in the area I moved to. This is the house I plan to spend my retirement in.

My friends are divided. Many are happy for me, but others now consider me “the problem”: when a non-local moves in and is able to afford the ever-increasing cost of rent or real estate.

Since moving here, I understand this issue. I am near a national park, and the visitor rates have skyrocketed. Many people come to the area to buy weekend homes or Airbnb rentals, which drive up the prices for locals that generally work low-paying jobs.

I just want to plan my retirement in an area I love, but in some friends’ minds that makes me the enemy. I want to be part of the community and have been trying. I am not swooping in to make money. I don’t know how to fix this with friends who are starting to see my presence as part of the problem.

— Former City Folk

Dear City Folk: Yes, this phenomenon is definitely affecting rural communities. The rise of telecommuting is likely one factor, because this means you can continue to draw a high salary as you live in a beautiful place that unfortunately also has lower wages and fewer professional opportunities.

But your question is really about relationships. You should continue to dive into local friendships. Use your professional expertise to help local organizations. Some people will not be able to overcome their prejudices in order to accept and befriend you. There is nothing you can do about that. Understand their concerns, use your wealth for good, love where you are, and appreciate your privilege — but don’t apologize for it.

If you fall into the expected pattern, within a relatively short period of time you will consider yourself a local. Then it will be your turn to resent newcomers.

Dear Amy: I love your advice because it is always practical and you look at things from multiple perspectives. But ... (you knew the “but” was coming) I’m responding to the recent letter from TK and have to point out something from my 14 years in the death care profession.

Funerals and memorial services are ABOUT the deceased but FOR the people left behind. When you love someone and they die, there’s a need to honor their life and the connections built during life. This is a really important part of grieving. I’m not saying the event has to be a traditional gloomy religious experience. As a certified celebrant I focus on the person’s life and legacy and pointing loved ones on a healthy path toward healing their broken hearts.

I can’t tell you how many times families have felt conflicted because they want to honor their loved one’s request, but they need the opportunity to acknowledge their love and gratitude for the person they’ve lost.

— Julie

Dear Julie: Thank you so much for lending your expertise to this very tough question. Grieving people have legitimate needs, and after a loss, their own emotional needs should be met. You are performing an important service, as a steward and a guide.

Dear Amy: I sympathize with “Short and Fed Up.” I am a 6-foot-2-inch woman. For most of my life I’ve had to deal with people who made fun of my height. This started in kindergarten.

I’ve never understood why people make fun of height when absolutely nothing can be done to change it! I’ve learned not to take it too personally.

When someone rudely asks, “Do you play basketball?” I respond, “No, are you a jockey?” and change the topic. Most get the message. Those who pursue and ask, “How tall are you?” get my favorite response: “Taller than you!”

— Juls

Dear Juls: You win.

Copyright 2019 by Amy Dickinson

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