College freshman has roomie worries
K is very extroverted, and L is visibly shy and quiet. I was trying to loop L in to some of the discussions of the housing, but he kept being overrun by K.
K stated that he hates shy people and that he finds them very annoying.
We haven’t spoken since we met up a month ago, but I’m getting worried that L and K won’t get along. Should I text K to ask him to allow L to have his own space? Should I ignore the situation?
I don’t think you should try to intervene in advance, because you don’t actually know how this is going to work out for any of you.
The first days of college are a whirlwind, as everybody flaps and flounders, trying to find their own rhythm and — if they’re lucky — their college tribe.
You are kind and thoughtful to be concerned about this dynamic, and once on campus you should definitely intervene or try to mediate as soon as you detect boorish behavior, bullying, or overt exclusion toward “L.”
Your university has a dean of housing, as well as resident advisers on each floor. They are all there to try to make sure each student gets what they need. Do not hesitate to take this issue to these adults immediately if there is a problem.
You and “L” might be best suited to be roommates, while K might be happier housing with whatever fraternity he can persuade to let him join. He might not be mature enough to co-house with either of you.
People love to grab a child and have him/her stand next to me to show them that the child is taller than I am.
The most painful event happened last Christmas Eve at church when we were all together as a family. Early in the service the pastor asks everyone to stand (if they are able) and wish each other peace. A man in front of us turned around, called me by name, and said, “Stand up! Oh, you ARE standing up!” Last Christmas was the last holiday we shared with our son, who died last year. I keep thinking about this insult (I hear it, or comments like it) all the time, and it always hurts.
Do people go up to overweight people and laugh at them? Bald people? It looks like people won’t stop their tasteless jokes, so how do I get past it?
I also think it’s OK for you to be perfectly honest about it, and to say, “Wait a minute. I’m an adult. I don’t really want to be compared to your child.” Or “Do you really think it’s cool to make fun of my height here at church?”
The people who do this will then react with disdain when you call them out. They will accuse you of not having a sense of humor.
Please, do not care about how people react when you respond honestly. That’s you standing tall.
Your answer was OK, but I would have told this brother that he will need to adjust to studying and concentrating in a noisy environment, both for taking the test, and later for practicing law.
PREVIOUS ARTICLE
