Single and ready to quit dating after one too many disastrous dinners? Wendy Newman, author of “121 First Dates: How to Succeed at Online Dating, Fall in Love, and Live Happily Ever After (Really!)” (Beyond Words), feels your pain.

The 48-year-old San Francisco-based dating coach reveals her dating low moments and how she ultimately met her current partner, Dave, in her memoir/advice tome. This is an edited transcript.

It took you 121 first dates before you met your current partner. How did you handle discouragement?

Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey and “Law & Order” reruns. But when I put the ice cream down, how I got through it was I focused on what was working and ignored or let go of what was not working. The thing that ultimately kept me motivated was the realization that in the sea of millions of single men out there, I only needed one.

A total of 102 of your 121 dates happened via online dating. What are the pros of online dating?

I love online dating because it gives us access to people we'd never meet otherwise. I'm a professional workshop leader and a coach, which means I work from home. Or I'm in front of an audience of women. In my world the only men I had access to were my UPS driver, the checkout clerk at Whole Foods and the random person sitting next to me on a plane. I turned to online dating because I needed access to single men, and that meant men outside my town. Dave is a Silicon Valley executive; I would have never met him without online dating.

You encourage readers to make a list of their wants vs. needs regarding dating.

When chemistry is overwhelming, it's easy to overlook things that are vital to a happy life. You don't really need him to be kind, do you? You can live without that if he's hot, right? Oftentimes, women don't realize that their wish lists contain characteristics that cancel the other one out; they can't figure out why he hasn't shown up yet. It's because she's looking for two different people. For example: Highly driven, financially successful and makes me and our family his top priority. These are two different men. Pick one.

You write that women often rely too much on sexual attraction when selecting a mate. What should single women look for instead?

Sexual attraction should be there, but there's more to look for, starting with does she like him? I mean honest-to-God like him. Besides wanting to bed him, does she respect who he is and what he does with this life? Do they see the world in similar ways? Does she feel seen, known and understood by him? Can he comfort her? Does she feel safe with him, like he has her back?

You're in favor of taking breaks from dating as needed. When's the right time to take a break?

When you have three or four bad dates in a row, and they all seem the same. Or when you feel like you've turned into a hunter, and you're doing more pursuing than you'd like. Feeling burned and bitter are good indicators it's time to recalibrate. Get a dating buddy; they can tell you when it's time for you to stop, and let you know when you're in decent enough shape to return to the ride. On your break, do something you love that has a beginning, middle and an end, like baking, or a craft project.

What's the biggest piece of advice you wish you'd followed?

I did follow my biggest piece of advice: Don't wait to date and don't give up! A lot of people wait to date. They wait for the holidays to be over or for work to slow down or to lose weight. I'm super glad I didn't wait until I lost enough weight that I'd be fit for dating. We'd all still be waiting.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a freelance writer.