Dear Amy: My husband insists on being the driver on both long and short car trips. He prefers his driving over my driving, as well as that of other family members or friends.

However, he has a bad habit of texting or otherwise playing on his phone while driving. I’ve told him to stop because I feel it is dangerous, but he feels he is in control and can “do both things at once.”

As the passenger, I’ve offered to search on his phone or reply to an email or text on his behalf, but he doesn’t accept these offers.

Most frequently, he gets annoyed at the suggestion that he put his phone away while driving. Before trips even begin, I’ve offered to drive, especially if the trip is happening during “business hours.” He refuses.

Recently, we were on a family vacation that started on a Friday. My spouse spent the three-hour drive on conference calls, checking and responding to email, texting, and on Slack (instant messenger).

I don’t know what to do. It makes me so uncomfortable for him to be on the phone while driving, but he won’t let me take the wheel. Your insight?

— Co-Pilot

Dear Co-Pilot: If this dynamic continues — with your husband “not letting” you drive while he drives dangerously — then eventually (as the song says) Jesus is going to take the wheel, eliminating this problem altogether.

According to statistics released by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, distracted driving led to 3,450 deaths in 2016, and 391,000 people were hurt in distracted driving accidents that year. If a car is going 55 mph and you take a second to check a text, the car is traveling the length of a football field without you watching the road.

Your husband may not value your life, his life, or others’ lives enough to make a different choice. But you value all of these things, so you should force the issue by “not letting” him drive you under these dangerous conditions.

The next time you two are about to take a longer trip, you should urge him either to turn over the driving to you or to basically let you co-pilot his phone. If he refuses, you should rent (or borrow) a car and tell him you’ll meet him at your destination.

Dear Amy: Last week at my favorite daily coffee shop, two college-age girls moved into the booth behind me. I heard all of their loud conversation: The descriptions of their boyfriends’ sexual proclivities and abilities were astounding. Their women friends were also discussed in much detail.

Because I had not finished my meal and the shop was full, I did not wish to move. They then started to clip their nails and do their makeup, while discussing the boys and their female acquaintances.

I’m an old man, unused to and disturbed by such behavior. Regardless of receiving a rude reply, should I have said anything to them? Or was I correct in forgoing my coffee treat and departing quickly?

— Coffee Shop Patron, Ontario

Dear Patron: I’m going to share a sad reality of my job: Sometimes I have to tell people in distress there is nothing tangible they can realistically do to inspire other people to behave differently.

In your case, you are being exposed to the current crassness of everyday life, where people overshare in very loud voices and, unfortunately, clip their nails in cafes, on airplanes and in business meetings (what accounts for this strange trend to groom in public? I think we’d all like that to stop).

You could certainly turn around and ask these women to lower their voices, but they might turn on you. If this is a chance you’re willing to take, doing so might have made you feel better.

Dear Amy: “Furious Neighbor” wrote about her elderly neighbor’s conservative “offensive” political share on Facebook.

It’s quite obvious what your political leanings are. So maybe you can answer on behalf of your liberal friends. Why are people so sensitive these days? Whatever happened to live and let live?

— Furious

Dear Furious: We live in contentious times. I received volumes of responses to this letter, almost all agreeing with you.

None seem to recognize that my overall advice to “Furious Neighbor” was in fact, “Live and let live.”

Copyright 2019 by Amy Dickinson

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