You never truly know what someone is feeling internally. For many who face mental health struggles, that is a constant battle.

Glenelg girls soccer sophomore midfielder Esmae Leitzel is one of many who confronted this difficult reality. However, she is also one of the courageous people who rose above that stigma and shared her story.

On Dec. 6, 2023, Leitzel detailed her mental health journey and battle with depression on the Morgan’s Message website. Morgan’s Message is an organization started in honor of former Duke University women’s lacrosse player Morgan Rodgers, who died by suicide in 2019 at the age of 22.

The organization strives to “Eliminate the stigma surrounding mental health within the student-athlete community and equalize the treatment of physical and mental health in athletes.” Morgan’s Message also hopes to expand and normalize the conversation around mental health.

Glenelg coach Anna Pallozzi is passionate about mental health awareness. She is the Morgan’s Message Club faculty advisor at Glenelg and the club holds several mental health awareness games throughout the school year. Last year, Leitzel built a strong relationship with Pallozzi, then an assistant coach, and confided in here.

“I say all the time to them that I don’t envy being a high school student in this day and age,” Pallozzi said. “The things that they go through, they don’t get to escape. It lives online with them forever. So, the fact that at 14, she was willing to share something so private, so publicly, just speaks to the positive change that is happening, particularly in female athletics, that it is OK to not be OK. It is OK to ask for help when you need it mentally. Athletics is more about the whole student and the whole athlete, not just their physical performance.”

After learning more about Morgan’s Message, Leitzel read roughly 15 different stories over the span five months from student-athletes detailing their mental health journeys. She found several commonalities with her own experiences, inspiring her to open up. Despite making that decision, the multi-month process was far from easy, evoking several memories and emotions, including fear.

However, she persevered with the hope of inspiring others.

“I hope other people feel that it’s OK to talk to a teacher or a parent about how they feel because it’s important to talk about,” Leitzel said. “That really helped me to talk to Coach Pallozzi and it was just another outlet. I would also say, ‘That, it’s OK to be different and not everyone’s the same.’ People have problems and mental health issues and you’ll get through them. It takes time and you can’t be impatient.”

Growing up, Leitzel’s dad served in the Navy, often away from home, while her mom was working as a nurse. The family frequently moved around, creating a repetitive cycle of making new friends, only to move on to the next place. That perpetuating routine proved challenging. Through that, however, soccer remained the only constant.

Leitzel’s father introduced her and her brother to the sport when they were 3 years old, and she immediately fell in love with it. In her story, Leitzel described soccer as “a place that felt safe, almost giving me the same security as a home does.”

However, in 2022, Leitzel lost someone close to her and everything changed. The sport she loved was no longer a source of joy. In fact, it started to become the opposite.

She began asking herself, “Why does this have to happen to me?” Leitzel hid her pain from even those closest to her. Like many in a similar position, she did not want to seek help, afraid of her outside perception changing and being perceived as “weak.” However, she broke through that barrier and sought assistance.

What she couldn’t have anticipated was the overwhelming support from teammates, coaches and the Glenelg community.

“That meant the world to me,” Leitzel said. “My team means the world to me. They’re all like my sisters. They’re all amazing people and they’re always there to help you. If you need someone, you can talk to them, and you don’t have to feel embarrassed or insecure. They’re always there for you no matter what.”

Leitzel concluded the piece by offering several lessons, including preparing for the unexpected things in life. One takeaway proved particularly poignant, reflecting on an early childhood conversation with her mom. She highlighted the importance of removing the figurative mask and showing people who you are.

Playing soccer, Leitzel learned to compartmentalize and put on that mask. In her story, she remembered that conversation and wrote, “People are scared to show what’s under the mask because people might think it’s ugly and more than likely people will think of you negatively. But there will be some people who think you’re even more beautiful under it.”

“I got goosebumps when I read it for the first time,” Pallozzi said. “She never told me that she was sending that story to them. So, when I saw it pop up on my personal Instagram feed, I got chills reading that line. All of us have things that we put fronts up for, but talking about being able to take that mask off and feel more comfortable in yourself is something I’m so proud of her for doing and a message that I’m proud of her for sharing.”

Nine months later, Leitzel feels more gratitude each time she steps on the field. Grateful to be on the team, for the support system around her and to play the game she loves, alongside her best friends.