Readers in favor
of a kind climate
in the workplace
Great news, everybody! People seem in favor of kindness in the workplace. In last week's column — a sort of meditation on why kindness isn't a central part of every company's culture — I asked for your feedback. And, boy, did you deliver.
I received dozens upon dozens of thoughtful emails, ranging from examples of workplaces where kindness prevails to horror stories about niceness being frowned upon. There were astute examples of issues I overlooked and simple notes that said, effectively, “Thank goodness I'm not alone in thinking this.”
I'll share a few examples, but here are three quick points distilled from all the email. (I apologize for not responding to each note — they keep me busy here in the newspaper-content mines, and there aren't enough hours in the day.)
Here are some thoughts from readers:
“First of all, and very basically, if you didn't learn and live ‘kindness' and respect for others at home, how could you be expected to show or give it in the workplace?
“As a psychologist, I sometimes ask clients how many people they know who are truly confident and have real self-esteem. Not those who ‘act' confident (with bravado), but those who truly are confident in themselves. The answer is, not very many; fewer than you can count on one hand. Because when you encounter such a person, you will know it. There is no pretense or reason to brag or gloat; they just are who they are.
“If we could all work under a manager or company president who is confident and giving and respectful, we might be encouraged to be and act the same.”
“I often ask myself how the company I work for was not only able to wrangle up 60 decent humans but also ensure they are really nice people … who are nice to one another. (My company) has developed a group of people that I actually really enjoy spending most of my waking life with. Even on days that I'm in the office pits, (my company) finds something to remind me that things aren't so bad. Anything from our office thank-yous … to walking around after a staff meeting writing down all the things we are thankful for in each co-worker make (our company) stand out from the rest.
“A little too cheery, you might say? Maybe, but it works.”
“I rail at the suggestion that the lever for change is workers. … I'm not saying it isn't possible, just overwhelmingly unlikely. Why advocate for that course of action?
“No doubt you know that organizational cultures are a powerful contextual force that influences behaviors. Asking people to be kind and nice within an environment that is not supportive, as a way to change the macro workplace environment, has no leverage to produce real change.
“… Workplaces are actually full of decent human beings. They are — far more often than not — kind and nice to one another, even inside cultures that do not enable and support that exemplary behavior. It is how people cope and survive!
“But the real lever for change is the governance and executive levels.”
“I worked in one place where my co-workers were not very nice. When I talked to my boss about it, his response shocked me. ‘Kindness is perceived by many to be weakness' was his quote. Really? I responded that people do not have to be kind; they choose to be kind. But he did not agree, and it made me realize I was perceived as the weak link in the group. On that day, I knew I would have to leave because my ‘weakness' would never be encouraged in our group, and I could not work in that sour atmosphere.”
“On the teams that I have led, I go out of my way to recognize and celebrate the uniqueness of each individual. I recognize birthdays and accomplishments publicly and hold team dinners to bring people together. I encourage people to share personal information (what they are working for, what they want to accomplish, what they are proud of and what they do when they are not working) and highlight their family members so that everyone knows what one is working for.
“… I believe that this engaged, personal and human workplace creates a more open environment where people are encouraged to be themselves, and each believes they have a seat at the table. I also feel that it gave me a greater ability to give feedback (and receive it), and I have no doubt that it contributed to our strong performance.”