Movie origin stories finally reach their nadir with “Transformers One,” the super-violent, toy-selling vehicle that tells the tale of how Optimus Prime and Megatron went from besties to foes. Did anyone ask for this?
The computer-animated “Transformers One” is out of time, a throwback to a few years ago when Hollywood mined popular IP for forgotten heroes, built overly complex worlds and then ramped up the action so that the audience just got numbed to a blur of battles. But “Transformers One” isn’t good enough to watch on a plane, even a trans-Pacific flight. The inflight map is better.
A map isn’t a bad idea, actually: You may need some sort of guide for this one — those uninitiated to the folklore of Cybertron are flung helplessly into references to Energon, Alpha Trion, Quintessons and something called the Matrix of Leadership. You come in halfway into a conversation.
The story by Andrew Barrer and Gabriel Ferrari is basically the Bible’s Cain and Abel with a detour into the Roman Empire and the Hasbro figurines’ mythology, which seems to be a series of never-ending epic battles between good and evil. Some stuff just seems downright weird, like why these robots need a gym or why after running they become breathless.
The main heroes here are buddies Orion Pax and D-16 — who will become mortal enemies Optimus Prime and Megatron by the end — and we meet them when they are lowly miners, basically non-transforming bots digging for reserves of the energy cleverly called Energon. This is a society in which the upper class is made up of Transformers who stomp around preening while the lower classes do dirty jobs.
They all serve Sentinel Prime, the leader of the subterranean Iacon City, who is not what he seems. He is apparently the last of the Primes and lives in a marble palace, giving the people below spectacles as a diversion, like an epic road race.
Orion Pax, voiced with puppy-dog sweetness by Chris Hemsworth, is not satisfied by this life. Brian Tyree Henry voices D-16 with skepticism and resignation. The two friends join with mining manager Elita-1 (Scarlett Johansson) and Keegan-Michael Key’s B-127 (who will later become fan-favorite Bumblebee) to journey to the surface of the planet, find the Matrix of Leadership (a sort of necklace) and get a hero’s welcome. But they learn some unsavory things about the ruler from the Transformer elder statesman Alpha Trion (Laurence Fishburne).
Director Josh Cooley never lets the action stop — and that’s not a compliment. The camera is constantly swiveling and the violence is nauseating. If Transformers ever bled, this would be an R-rated movie.
There are some good moments, of course. When our band of misfit bots get an upgrade to Transformer status, they cutely don’t know how to do it seamlessly at first, with limbs awkwardly getting mixed with vehicle parts. Anyone who has played with the toys knows the feeling. And Key never fails to generate a chuckle, proving a masterful comedic voice actor.
The saddest thing about “Transformers One” is the wastefulness of another dull outing in a universe geared toward kids just learning to transform themselves. The lessons here, unfortunately, are that friends can become enemies overnight, and you only win if you beat someone hard enough.
“We’re better than this,” Orion Pax screams at his sudden rival at one point. No, they’re not.
MPA rating: PG (for sci-fi violence and animated action throughout, and language)
Running time: 1:43
How to watch: In theaters