Dear Miss Manners: I recently moved in with my partner, who has had the same cleaning lady for 15 years. I thought she was quite nice and we got on well at first.

Then she started making subtle comments about my level of cleanliness, which I ignored. We are not dirty people, but it just doesn’t matter to me or my partner if laundry sits in an unused room for three days before it gets folded. To be honest, he would leave it alone and pull clean clothes from that pile all week.

She has been making more passive-aggressive remarks to me, not him, as we go on. Today she explained that her grandma taught her that a woman who doesn’t keep a clean house is mentally unstable. She teaches her children this, as well.

I was shocked, and I told her that was an awful thing to say. I’m pretty fed up and want to address this next time she comes. Should I just let it go?

Gentle reader: Have you discussed this with your partner? It seems to Miss Manners that he might be the better one to have this chat with the cleaning lady — if for no other reason than the fact that her sexist proclivity might make her more apt to listen to him.

But regardless of the outcome, you would do well to leave the house any time it is being cleaned. Or maybe that was this woman’s plan all along, so that she could finally fold and put away that looming pile of laundry without objection.

Dear Miss Manners: I just received an invitation to a 70th birthday surprise party for one of my friends, sent by the honoree’s daughter-in-law. The method she used was to send a text invitation to one of our mutual friends, who then forwarded it as a multiple-person text message. We are supposed to RSVP individually to the hostess. I have never had such an impersonal invitation. The hostess didn’t even bother to get all of the email addresses to send an evite. I will not be going; obviously, I don’t rate a direct invitation. I get that those younger than me live and die by text messages, but this seems a little extreme. Your thoughts?

Gentle reader: Invitations to company picnics and neighborhood block parties may be posted on bulletin boards, whether cork or electronic. Most private parties, however, require an individual invitation, issued by someone with the authority to do so.

Guests can generally differentiate the two categories by whether the host is requesting a response. While Miss Manners agrees that the daughter-in-law made a poor choice, she would decline for the simple reason that she would not know if she would be welcomed.

Dear Miss Manners: As the father of two girls, I am well trained to leave the toilet seat down every time in my house. At this point, it strikes me as impolite to do otherwise. In a public bathroom, the toilet seat is often up when I enter. What is my obligation here? I don’t really want to touch it, but don’t want to be rude to the next user.

Gentle reader: Wait — aren’t you using the gentlemen’s public facilities? So the next person is unlikely to be one of your daughters, nor others of their persuasion. Never mind. You have developed a good habit, and Miss Manners does not want to weaken it with exceptions. Nor does she expect you to expose your hands to other people’s waste. But perhaps you might have noticed a roll of paper right there within easy reach? And that some of it might let you lower the seat without touching it?

Dear Miss Manners: I am a certified public accountant who frequently entertains clients and business associates during lunch and dinner meetings. I also enjoy hosting family and friends at restaurants. When I pick up the check with the latter group, someone often makes a comment such as, “This must be a business expense or a write-off” — suggesting that I’m either cheating my company or cheating on my taxes, rather than treating them to a nice meal at my personal expense. I’m at a net loss as to how to respond.

Gentle reader: Good one. Miss Manners will do her best to provide some asset-stance. Bad accounting puns aside, she recommends that when confronted with such rude accusations, you look hurt and quietly say, “I would never do that. I just wanted to take you out and enjoy your company.” Even if they were joking, that ought to shame the inventory out of them.

To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.