Dear Amy: My problem started when I joined an erotic story site. I enjoy writing erotica, and when I joined, I decided to write as a female (even though I’m a man).

My stories garnered quite a following. I received a lot of racy emails from men and women. I thanked them for their comments. However, there was one writer who was very eloquent and passionate.

He and I began to exchange emails daily. He’s a writer for a newspaper (vanishing breed). I really enjoyed his writing, and he enjoyed reading my stories. I sent him some special ones that I had not posted yet (or were too taboo to post). As our friendship grew, we confided in each other. He shared his secrets — all of them. He wanted pictures, so I found photos of a lovely female and forwarded them to him.

Long story shorter, now he’s in love with me and wants to leave his wife. He says we are sexually compatible and share a lot of the same interests. He does write passionate love letters, which I enjoy getting. He wants to meet. I have a hard time saying no. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but obviously we can’t meet in person. I am thinking of “dying in a car wreck” to end this situation. Any better ideas?

— LJ

Dear LJ: The “dying in a car wreck” or “developing an aggressive cancer” storyline is one frequently used by catfishers, which is exactly what you are. (Catfishing is the term used when people assume alternate identities online, for the purpose of manipulating others into relationships.)

Here’s a plot twist: What if your correspondent is also catfishing you and is not actually a “dying breed” newspaper writer (thanks for that, by the way), but a lonely, eloquent female nuclear scientist, pining away in a distant silo (perhaps that could be the subject of your next piece of erotic fiction …?).

But let’s assume that he is exactly who he says he is. You have now manipulated and meddled in his life to the extent that he is willing to toss out his marriage and run to you. And yet you are too cowardly to tell him the truth and take complete responsibility for your actions, so that he can start to heal from this.

I understand that you don’t want to hurt this person, but your actions are contemptible. There is no way to make this right. So make it quick.

Dear Amy: Recently, my boyfriend and I took a weekend trip with my sister. After a day of wine-tasting, we got pretty wasted.

I was so drunk that I ended up over the toilet. My boyfriend went to tell my sister that I was sick. In his drunken state, he thought it was a good idea to get onto my sister’s bed. She was very scared by this. She is angry and thinks I should break up with him.

I can see why she feels that way, but he insists that there was no malicious intent, and I believe him. How can I stay with him without her hating me?

— Sobered Up

Dear Sobered: Getting onto a bed is different from getting into a bed, but when everybody is drunk, prepositions can sometimes seem like propositions.

Anyone can understand why your boyfriend’s actions scared your sister. Rather than you explaining his actions and apologizing for him, he should handle this manly chore himself. He should say to her, “Hey, I’m really embarrassed that I scared and creeped you out. I feel awful. It was a drunken mistake, and I hope you can forgive me.”

If he can’t seem to bring himself to do this, then maybe he really is the creep your sister seems to think he is.

It is your right to be with whomever you want to be with. Just remember that only a true sister will hold your hair while you puke in the toilet.

I hope you will use this incident to rethink your drinking habits.

Dear Amy: I couldn’t believe your answer to “Student Loan Woes”! This person was looking for her mother to bail her out, and you agreed with her!

What ever happened to fixing your own problems?

— Upset

Dear Upset: I offered this student several resources to try to renegotiate her student loan burden, among them asking her mother for a loan. I didn’t see this as a “bailout” but as a negotiation.

Copyright 2019 by Amy Dickinson

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